


is your heart frayed and empty

by ShyAudacity



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Betty Cooper needs a hug, Betty-centric, Crying, Depressed Betty, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotions, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Kevin gets a backstory, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Ouch, Post-Season/Series 01, Sad, Sleepovers, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Notes, Triggers, could be gay if you squint, idk its set whenever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-17
Updated: 2017-05-17
Packaged: 2018-11-01 22:11:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10931040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShyAudacity/pseuds/ShyAudacity
Summary: After getting a “SOS” text from Archie, Veronica shows up within the hour, Kevin trailing behind her. She feels flustered and beyond worried but refuses to show it. They crowd themselves into the bedroom just as Betty has resorted to begging. She’s lying on her bed with Jughead sitting in front of her.“Betty, we can’t help if you don’t talk to us.”“Please let me die,” she whispered. “Please.”“Sorry kiddo, we can’t let you do that,” Jughead said, rubbing a hand over her back. “We all like you too much.”A sob ripped itself out of her throat, she brought a hand up to hide her face.ORBetty wants to die and the rest of the squad struggles to understand.





	is your heart frayed and empty

**Author's Note:**

> If this looks familiar it's because I originally posted it a few days ago, but then took it down after I realized that it wasn't coming across in the way I wanted it to. Now that I've made some big edits (rewritten an entire fucking scene) I feel a bit better about it. Who knows it could still be full of shit??? idk.
> 
> Unbeta'd and title from Farewell And Goodnight by Birdy. I don't own anything.

Jughead and Archie are making the short walk from the Andrew’s house to the Cooper’s, discussing movie options.

“We’re not watching Terminator again,” Jughead states, “We watched it last time, and Betty fell asleep halfway through, remember?”

“Which is exactly why we should watch it, so we can make sure that she sees the whole thing this time around!” Archie exclaims, his backpack nearly falling off his shoulders.

It’s a Friday, but it’s also a long weekend, which means a movie marathon at the Cooper’s house between Betty, Archie, and Jughead. They haven’t had one it what feels like forever, but lucky for them Mrs. Cooper is out of town for the weekend, so there’s no time limit to how late they can stay over. They knock when they get to the front door, but there’s no answer.

“Maybe she forgot?”

“What? No way,” Archie says, knocking again. “The first movie marathon was Betty’s idea, remember? She wouldn’t forget.”

When there is still no answer at the door, Archie votes that they go around and try the back door; the boys let themselves in when they find it unlocked. Jughead and Archie kick off their shoes and drop their bags in the entryway. Betty isn’t in the kitchen or anywhere on the main floor, so they take to the stairs. They find Betty in her bedroom at her desk, her back facing the door and hunched over a piece of jasmine colored stationary paper.

“Betty, what are you doing?” Archie asks; Jughead pushes past him and waltzes into the room.

Betty jumps in her seat. “Jesus Christ!” she says, a hand over her chest. “How did you guys get in here?”

“I told you that she forgot.” Jughead remarks, leaning on the edge of her desk.

“The back door was open. We knocked like three times, you really didn’t hear us?”

“No, I was uh- doing homework, sorry I just- it slipped my mind I guess.” She says, scrambling for words. She’s panicked and her eyes are puffy. Archie wonders if something might be bothering her, but Jughead speaks up before he can ask.

“This doesn’t look like homework to me.” Jughead says, looking at the paper that she had been writing, a frown growing on his face.

“Wait, Jug, don’t-.”

“Let me see,” Archie says, taking it out of his hand. He skims until one sentence in particular catches his eye.

_Please don’t be upset with me for what I’ve done, I never meant to hurt anyone._

Archie goes back to the top and starts from the beginning. It reads:

_This is going to come as a shock to a lot of you…who knows, maybe all of you. What I’ve done wasn’t the result of something anyone said or did, it was just me, my own decision. I was stuck and I didn’t know what else to do, dying seemed like the only option._ _Please don’t be upset with me for what I’ve done, I never meant to hurt anyone. To whomever is reading this, I’m sorry if what I’ve done has hurt you in anyway, I never wanted that to happen._

_Love, Elizabeth Cooper._

“Is this a suicide note?” he asks, Archie feels his heart sink into his stomach.

Betty doesn’t look at either of them, keeping her eyes focused on the floor. Her voice is barely above a whisper.

“I want you guys to leave.”

“Betty, we didn’t-.”

“Leave.” She says, more forceful than before, “I want you to leave, how hard is that to understand?”

Betty stands up, pushing at Archie’s chest, trying to get him out the door. Her breathing is coming out shakier every time that she exhales. Archie can see the tears gleaming in her eyes, and he feels like he has to do something. He grabs her fists before she can hit him again.

“Betty, hey Betty listen. Stop, I got you, it’s okay. You’re okay.” He tells her pulling her against his chest.

She fights him for a moment longer before breaking completely, crying into his shoulder. When Betty’s legs give out, the two of them stumble. Archie moves until the two of them are on the floor, his back against the edge of Betty’s bed and her head still resting in the juncture of his neck. He keeps cradling the back of her head, not knowing what else to do. Archie looks up at Jughead, who appears to be as panicked and mortified as he feels.

“Call Veronica.”

*

After getting a “SOS” text from Archie, Veronica shows up within the hour, Kevin trailing behind her. She feels flustered and beyond worried but refuses to show it. They crowd themselves into the bedroom just as Betty has resorted to begging. She’s lying on her bed with Jughead sitting in front of her.

“Betty, we can’t help if you don’t talk to us.”

“Please let me die,” she whispered. “Please.”

“Sorry kiddo, we can’t let you do that,” Jughead said, rubbing a hand over her back. “We all like you too much.”

A sob ripped itself out of her throat, she brought a hand up to hide her face.

Not knowing what else to do, Veronica grabbed Archie and pulled him out into the hallway.

“Can you please explain to me what’s going on? Why did you send that SOS text? Better yet, why is Betty in there pleading with Jughead to let her die? Did something happen?”

“We were supposed to have a movie night,” Archie says, reaching into his pack pocket. “But when we got here Betty had forgotten about our plans, which, as you know, is super unlike her. She was all freaked out and not making any sense. Then Jug looked at what she’d been doing and…just read it, Ronnie.”

Veronica takes folded piece of paper from him, eyeing it warily. She doesn’t know what to expect as she starts reading.

_This is going to come as a shock to a lot of you…who knows, maybe all of you. What I’ve done wasn’t the result of something anyone said or did, it was just me, my own decision. I was stuck and I didn’t know what else to do, dying seemed like the only option._

That’s as far as she gets before Veronica feels like she’ll be sick should she read any more of the letter. She can’t believe it, she doesn’t want to at least. Crumpling the letter in her hand, she looks up at Archie, trying her hardest not to make this situation about her.

“So, what do we do?” She asks, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Well we can’t leave her alone. Her mom is out of town for the weekend, what if she tries to you know… do _something_.”

“Yes, but if we insist on staying here the entire weekend then she’ll know that something is up. Arch, we have to be smart about this.”

He nods, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck. “Alright, I think I have an idea.”

*

Twenty minutes later, all five of them are in the kitchen, coaxing Betty into talking about what’s been going on with her. Archie and Veronica sit at the table with Betty while Jughead and Kevin stand above them. 

“Do we really need to do this?” Betty mumbles to herself.

“Yes, Betty, we do,” Veronica says. “You’re unhappy, and we’re your friends, we want to help in whatever way that we can. That’s all we want, we just want you to be happy, do you get that? All of us, we just want what’s best for you.”

“Maybe dying is what’s best for me, did you ever think about that?”

“Last time that I checked, dying was never good for anybody.” Archie reminds her. “Listen, I get that this isn’t fun for you, but Veronica is right, we’re just trying to do what’s best for you. Whatever is going on, we can work it out, just tell us what’s going on and-.”

“No.”

Archie sputters, surprised and confused. He looks to Veronica for reassurance, but she gives him the same unsure look that is on his own face.

“No?”

“No, I don’t want you to help me. Just make this easier for everyone, just let me die already.”

“Betty, why are you so eager to die?”

She slams her hands down on the table, yelling. “Because it’s the only way that I can get home!”

The world seems to go silent after that. There’s no hum of the A/C in the background, no birds chirping outside. Just silence, just five teenagers in a kitchen trying to figure out what they’re supposed to do next. Veronica, feeling both brave and uneasy at the same time, speaks up first.

“What are you talking about?”

“I’ve been having these dreams,” Betty says. “They’re beautiful, I wish you guys could see them. In these dreams, everything is good, nothing bad ever happens there. This place, it’s like…it’s like another world, like something out of a fairytale. I want to stay there, forever. I feel at home there, it is my home. But I can’t be there if I’m alive. The only way for me to get home is if I die. If I don’t die then I’ll never get to the place where I’m supposed to be. 

Veronica reaches across the table, grabbing the blonde’s hand. “B, this is your home. Right here, in Riverdale, with your family, with all of us. That place it isn’t real, it’s just pretend, it’s just a dream.”

“Veronica-.” Kevin tries.

“No, you’re not listening to me. It’s real, I know it is, _I’ve seen it_.  I have to go, V. I have to go home, that’s the only solution. Why aren’t supporting me? I thought we were friends.”

“We are, Betty-.”

“Obviously not.” She gets up, storming out, exiting through the back door.

Archie gets up, following her. “Stay here, I got her.”

When he gets outside, Betty is sitting on the steps that lead to her backyard, staring out into nothing. Careful not to startle her, Archie clears his throat before he sits down next to her. He slings an arm over her shoulder.

“You all must think I’m crazy.” She tells him.

“What? No. we don’t think you’re crazy we’re just… we’re worried about you, that’s all. You said some heavy stuff in there, you know?”

She nods, looking down at her feet.

“Will you tell me about it?”

“About what?”

“About this home dreamland place you were talking about in there,” Archie says, “If you’re gonna go I wanna see the appeal. Maybe we could talk about it over a milkshake at Pop’s, on me? It’ll be just like old times.”

Betty nods, giving him a sad smile, and the two of them are off. Archie hopes to himself that he can find the right words to say.

*

Back inside, Veronica is feeling defeated. “What are we going to do?”

“We’re not going to let her go through with this, that’s for sure,” Jughead says, moving to sit across from Veronica. “I mean, forget Riverdale, if Betty dies the whole world is going to feel it. We can’t let that happen, we have to do something.”    

“The five of us can’t just talk her out of this, Jughead, it doesn’t work like that. When someone is mentally ill, they can’t just turn it-.”

“Hold up, no.” Jughead interrupts. “This is Betty we’re talking about, I _know_ her. We’ve been friends since we were kids, I would know if she was mentally ill. She would have told me if she was sad. You don’t know her like I do, alright? You can’t just walk in here and start pointing fingers or handing out some false diagnosis, life doesn’t work like that.”

“I wasn’t trying to- wait, where are you going?”

“Upstairs,” Jughead says, already out of the room. “I’m going to make sure there’s nothing she could use to hurt herself or do I need your permission to do that too?”

Veronica sighs deeply, running her hands through her hair. She turns around and looks to Kevin, who hasn’t said a word in the last ten minutes. He’s staring off into the kitchen, eyes glazed over and seemingly focused on something that isn’t there. 

“What are you thinking about?”

He startles at her words, but meets her gaze for a moment before answering.

“Um, uh nothing, just…thinking.” He rambles, he moves to sit next to her at the table. “Did I ever tell you about my mom?”

“No, I don’t think you’ve ever mentioned her before. Why?”

“She died when I was ten,” He tells her. “It was a car accident.”

“Kev, I’m so sorry.”

“Just let me finish, okay?” She nods, urging him to continue. “When it happened, my Dad told me that the brakes on her car had gone out while she was driving home one night. That her car had failed to stop and she’d gotten t-boned and was killed instantly. That’s what I believed… until a few years ago. One day, I was looking for something in my Dad’s office, and I found this letter in his desk drawer, written by my mom. So, I, being the curious thirteen-year-old, started reading it. My dad walked in just as I had finished.”

“He told me that the letter had been in the glove box of my mom’s car the night of the accident, and that she had done it on purpose. My mom had purposefully driven her car into oncoming traffic, and I didn’t know about it. After that, I was so angry, for months. I was angry at my dad for not telling me, but I angry with my mother more than anything. I was angry that she had left me.”

“What did you do? To cope, I mean?”

“I didn’t,” Kevin says with a small laugh. “Not at first, at least. I spent a lot of time beating myself up over the whole thing. I told myself that I should have known that my mom was hurting, that I should have done something to stop her. Somedays, I still wish that I could have done something, it took me a long time to realize that there wasn’t anything that I could have said or done. She’d made her decision, you know? You can’t love someone into changing their mind.” 

“Listen. I know that you’re trying your hardest to help Betty,” he says, giving her hand a squeeze. “But we can’t just give her a list of reasons as to why she should keep living, she has to notice them herself. She has to want it or it’s not going to change anything. Yes, she will still be here physically but she won’t be our betty. Do you get that?”

Veronica nods, willing her voice not to crack. “Yes, I understand.”

“So, what do we do now then?” Jughead says, appearing from around the corner.

Kevin shrugs. “Nothing, it’s up to Betty to make a decision on her own.”

*

Once they get to Pop’s and order their usual, Betty barely touches her strawberry milkshake. She sticks to stirring the cold, pink drink with her straw, looking at it dejectedly. Archie takes a notice of this, frowning at her.

“Is it not good?” He asks her over a mouthful of fries.

“What? No, no it’s good I’m just…I’m not really feeling up for a milkshake right now, Arch. I appreciate the sentiment, though. Do you think we could just go home?”

“Which one?” Archie asks, his tone defensive. “The one next door to my house or the one in this miraculous dreamland of yours?”

“Archie, I-,”

“No, seriously, I don’t get it. What’s so good about that other place anyways? You have everything here; you have your parents, your sister, and all of your friends. C’mon, tell me already. What does this dream world have that Riverdale doesn’t?”

Betty sputters, covering her face and looking down at her drink again.

Archie immediately realizes what he’s done. He just put down one of his best friends for something that she believes in. The guilt kicks in within seconds, he has an apology ready on his tongue when Betty speaks up.

“Let’s just go, okay?” She says, pulling her jacket over her shoulders. “Forget I ever said anything.”

“Betty, I didn’t-.”

“No, no Archie you’re right. I mean I’m just being ungrateful, right? I have everything I could ever ask for right here, and that should make me happy. Why on earth would I want to give it all for some place that might not even exist. It’s all just a dream, isn’t it?”

The blonde girl walks out of the restaurant before Archie can stop her. By the time that he’s paid for the food he ordered, she’s nearly halfway home and he has to run just to catch up with her.

“Betty, I’m so sorry. I should have never said all of that back there and-.”

“It’s fine, Archie, I forgive you.” She says, not meeting his eye. “Besides, let’s be real here, if I was someone else and somebody started saying these things out loud in front of everyone, I wouldn’t believe the crazy girl either.”

“We don’t think that you’re crazy, Betty.” Archie huffs in frustration as she continues to walk away from him, resting his hands on his knees to catch his breath. He kicks himself mentally for hurting Betty after she’s already struggling. He wishes with everything in him that there was a way to fix it. He hopes that Veronica has thought of a plan by now.

*

“We should have a sleepover.” Veronica says the moment Betty walks through the door, Archie only a few seconds behind her.

Everyone glares at her in confusion for a solid minute before anyone speaks up.

“A sleepover?” Kevin asks. “Like an actual spend the night and tell ghost stories at three in the morning sleepover?”

“Exactly!” She rolls her eyes when she is still met with looks of uncertainty. “Oh, come on, it’ll be fun. You guys were going to have a movie night anyways, right? Well, now we’ll make it an overnight movie marathon. All of us can go get our favorite movies, I’ll order a couple of pizzas, it’ll be like middle school all over again.”

“Yeah, because that was so enjoyable the first time around.” Jughead mutters.

Veronica glares daggers at him before looking at the rest of the group.

“I’m in if you guys are.” Betty says, surprising the boys and causing Veronica to grin widely. Kevin shrugs at Jughead and Archie, and the two do the same with each other.

Archie scrubs a hand over his face. “Screw it, I’m in too.”

Veronica cheers, clapping lightly. “Fantastic. Alright, boys, you go home, get a change of clothes and pick out some movies. Betty and I will order the pizzas and make a run to the grocery store for some ice cream and fun toppings. We’ll all meet back here in an hour, okay? This night is going to be great, I promise.”

*

Forty-five minutes later, Betty and Veronica are in Betty’s bedroom, putting on some playful pajamas. She picked out a simple dark blue tank top and matching shorts, eyeing herself in the mirror when Betty speaks up.

“You’re being unusually quiet right now.”

Veronica falters for only a moment. “I guess I don’t really know what to say. Then again, I don’t think any of us know what to say right now. You caught us off guard, B.”

“I know, but to be fair, it wasn’t like I was planning on sharing any this with you guys.”

Veronica shudders, turning towards Betty; she reaches out and grabs both of her hands, shifting so they’re facing one another.

“V, what are you do-.”

“I’m going to say something… and you’re not going to like it, but I need to say it. I need to know that you heard me say this.”

Betty gives her a confused look, “Okay?”

“I won’t do it, I won’t stand here and quite literally watch you throw your life away, Betty. I get that for some unfortunate reason, whatever it may be, I get that you want to do this but I can’t support it. I’m your friend, and you’re my best friend in this stupid, psychotic town. As your friend, I have to tell you that I think this is a bad decision. I wanna be here for you, I really do, I’m here for you until the very end of us, I swear. But I won’t stand behind you on this…I _can’t._ ”

Her voice trembles at the end and Veronica hates herself for it, but it needed to be said. She had to tell Betty what she was feeling. Without giving Betty a chance to respond, Veronica turns on her heel and walks out of the bedroom and straight downstairs. She wills herself not to shatter into a million, emotional pieces.

*

Later, after four bowls of popcorn, two and a half pizzas and three movies, it’s pushing four in the morning and all of the teenagers are spread out in the Cooper’s living room, wide awake. Jughead is sprawled out across the couch, Kevin in the recliner adjacent to him, and the other three are on the floor in front of the sofa. Archie and Veronica are on either side of Betty, both of them feeling a need to keep an eye on her. As the credits for _Fight Club_ roll, Kevin speaks up.

“Alright, are we going to watch another movie or are we finally going to go bed? Whose turn is it anyways?”

“I think it’s Betty’s turn, isn’t it?” Archie asks. “Right, Betty?”

Betty doesn’t answer him, just keeps her glassy gaze focused on the ceiling.

Veronica props herself up on one elbow. “B? Are you okay?”

“I lied,” she announces, the sound seems to echo throughout the house. “I lied this afternoon about the dreamland, none of that was real. I don’t know why I said it, I just…it was the first thing I could think of.”

“I haven’t been having dreams about some magical place in the sky or whatever. I’m just tired…all the time. I’m tired of this town, how people keep dying or getting hurt and no one seems to want to do anything about it. That’s not the only thing, I’m sad, all the time, it doesn’t ever go away. I don’t want to be like this anymore, I can’t do it, it’s exhausting. It leaves me with this empty feeling in my chest, but no matter what I do it just stays there.”

“Why didn’t you say anything earlier?” Jughead asks. “We could have done something, Betty.”

“No, you couldn’t.” She sits up her tone exasperated. “There’s nothing special about how sad I am, Jug. You can’t fix this, hell I can’t even fix this. That’s the worst part, I used to be the girl people went to when they had an issue and I was always the one to fix it. Now I’m broken and no one can do anything about it. I can’t make this part of me go away, I’ve tried. For years, I’ve tried to just ignore it and I can’t anymore. It’s too hard. I thought that if I died then all of it would just go away.” 

Veronica sits up, and gently takes a hold of Betty’s chin, making sure she meets her eye.

“Just because you can’t fix it doesn’t mean there isn’t a way to make it easier on you.” She says firmly. “You don’t have to suffer, all you have to do is ask for help. We’re your friends it’s what we’re here for. Here until the end, remember?”

“That’s easier said than done, V.” She mumbles. 

“That’s true, but you could always start by calling your mom. I bet that she might know what to do.”

Betty’s lip trembles, she turns to look at Archie, whom has had a hand on her back since she began to defend herself. He nods at her and she crumples, her emotions taking over once again. She leans into Archie’s embraces as he sits up, snaking his arms around her small frame.

It’s takes some time for Betty to calm down, and even then, she still falls asleep with her head resting on Archie’s shoulder and one hand intertwined with Veronica’s. As she drifts off, she tells herself to thank her friends some day in the future for not giving up on her when she’d given up on herself.

*

The next morning, after the pancake breakfast mess has been cleaned up and everyone has had a chance to come to terms with everything that happened the day before, all them sit at the dining room table. Betty stares at her cell phone like it’ll explode if she makes the wrong move.

“You know,” Jughead says. “My mom always told me that there’s no time like the future.”

Archie smacks him on the arm, glaring at him.

“No, you know what, Jug? You’re right. The sooner I tell her the better, I should get it over with… I’m just scared.”

“Well then I guess it’s good that you’ve got all of us, right?” Archie asks, quirking and eyebrow towards the ceiling.

Betty nods, breathes deeply, then picks up. She links her free hand with Veronica’s as she dials the familiar number.

“Mom? Hey, yeah, it’s me. Listen, there’s something I need to tell you…”   

**Author's Note:**

> If you feel that this is pro-su*cide in any way, please please please tell me and I'll fix it/take it down. To anyone who is struggling, coming from someone who struggles: talking to someone can make a world of difference, it may not always feel like it, but it can help.
> 
> Thanks for reading, I really hope that you liked it! If you did, or even if you didn't, feel free to let me know by leaving a kudos or a comment. If you have a prompt/request for me, you can leave it in the comments or come find me on tumblr at my riverdale blog thejugheadjoneschronicles (no porn or mpreg please). Thanks again for reading, I hope you have a great day!


End file.
